Helen
by Snowfall 
E-mail: winters@mailcity.com

	Last year I learned something about myself that even I didn't know
about.

	Helen and I have been friends a long time. Since first grade I recall.
We were inseparable then, where Helen was the Antoinette wasn't far behind. It
was easier then cause we were neighbors. She would come to my house to play. We
would mess the whole place up, to the point it was unlivable. Then we would go
to sleep in her house, or vice-versa. 

	As the years passed though things became a little more complicated. She
moved. Oh, she didn't go very far, just a few blocks uptown. Her father came
upon an inheritance that kind of boosted his status in life. He decided to
move, so, that's that. We still saw each other in school, though it involved a
little more politics to visit each other than it used to.

	Her father said she shouldn't go to dangerous places. Imagine that.
Years before I was born even before Helen, they lived in our street, and NOW
its a dangerous place. He only calls it that because of his current status. The
sad thing is it changed Helen a bit too.

	In our fist year in High School she hung out with the in-crowd. She
dressed in uniform like everyone else, but her dress was always a bit cleaner
and more ironed than the rest. She smelled sweeter too, before the teachers
started noticing and told her to stop bathing in perfume. And, she liked to
wear as much jewelry and accessories as she could without the school
confiscating it. She started talking in a more high class private school manner,
something she picked up from her new group.

	In the end though, she realized she had spent the whole year in Airhead
Central. She apologized to me, and we were friends again. I'm like that, really
dumb. She kept ties with the Mod Mob till our junior year, which I didn't mind.
She's like that, one foot on one side of the border and the other, well... on
the other.

	She was talking to Michelle, the big cheese of the Mob when I got to
school that September morning. They were obviously talking about an interesting
topic. Michelle was very animated, flailing her arms like crazy.

	Half of me hoped they'd break off. The other half of me won though, as I
greeted her with as much courtesy as I could muster, that early in the morning.

	"Hi Michelle" I yawned "Directing traffic, are you?"

	She looked at me with her oh-its-only-you look, followed by the ever so
popular very-funny-NOT beady eyed look.

	"We're talking about boys." she said. "Nothing you'd know anything
about."

	"It's Kenneth." Helen said trying to smooth things. "He and Jen are an
item, after Jen broke up with Tony, who went with Carrie. Carrie doesn't want
to tell Billy, who is Tony's best friend. Mainly because Billy..."

	I was never good with names so I couldn't keep up, not that I wanted to.
"Shhh. My brain isn't up yet. Tell it to me in the cafeteria over breakfast.
Coming?"

	I dropped my bags under my desk and started out. She stayed a few
minutes to finish the story, then caught up to me as I entered the Caf.

	"Honestly A," she had to call me A, after all, Antoinette is a pretty
long name. "I'm surprised you don't bloat up. All you think of is food."

	"Listen Helen, you're just jealous." I countered " I have fast
metabolism, so sue me. Besides food's not the only thing I think of. There's
also sleep."

	She started lecturing me again on my atrocious habits, and how I'll
die of some disease. I was too busy buying breakfast to notice. In my tray I
put eggs, bacon, some ham, more eggs, more bacon, a lot more ham, lots of toast,
and a glass of orange juice. There's nothing like food as it slides in your
mouth and imparts to you its hidden flavors. There was no way I was giving it
up.

	Helen looked at me with disgust. "Are you sure you have enough?"

	"No, get another tray." I said sarcastically, even if I probably would
come back for seconds.

	I paid for my breakfast and I sat myself down on one of the wooden
benches to eat. Helen sat opposite me, as she always did. She lectured me some
more, like she always did. I ate and didn't mind her, she would tire herself
out soon, as she always did. But, suddenly her conversation spun on its heels
and started talking about how she hated Max.

	"Woah, back up there Helen." I said as I paused from my feast, with my
spoon raised halfway to my mouth. "What was that you said about Max?"

	Max was her boyfriend, or so she says. They had been going out for
nearly six months. He was the schools star basketball player, she was the
school's biggest flirt, second only to Michelle. Helen's father liked him. How
couldn't he, Max's family was also loaded. The Mod Mob approved. Like Helen
once said, they were a perfect match. Now, she was complaining about him. Why?

	"Well, you know our date last Saturday?" she explained.

	I had my mouth full, so I nodded.

	She proceeded to relate to me the events that night.

	Max had taken her to a posh place in town, Bistro-something. They had a
nice dinner. They talked about the recent basketball game. How he won it for the
school. She talked about the girls, who envied her for being the girlfriend of
the guy who won it for the school. Each one said something they wanted to hear
and didn't care what the other was saying. But, they were always like that, and
ironically they love each other for it. Anyway, the dinner ends and he asks her
if she wants some wine. They could drink there because the manager was his
uncle. She would have said yes, but being a health buff, refused. Max took some
anyway.

	By this time, I had finished my meal. I was on my feet, and heading out
of the Caf. For some reason the story curbed my hunger. We entered the girls
bathroom. I washed my hands in the sink as I waited for the continuation of her
tale. She looked around to make sure no one else was inside, checking every
stall, then continued her story.

	"Then he kissed me, and it was..." Helen searched for the right word.

	"Wonderful?"

	"...Awful" her shoulders slumped as she finished her thought.

	"Awful?" I echoed as I shut the faucet and wiped my hands.

	"All the spark, all the excitement, all the..." Then someone came in,
so she stopped in mid-sentence. 

	The pause made me think of all the times she told me about Max's
kisses. How he would hold her head gently and raise it to his. How their lips
would touch.  How they made her feel warm all over. How they would last for
eternities. And how, when they parted her lips felt like it lost something that
was a natural part of it. Those were the times I wanted so badly to be in her
shoes.

	Now, she was complaining about his kisses. Why? 

	The intruder washed her hands. Then grabbed a paper towel. She inspected
her self in the mirror. I think we were getting pretty annoyed at this point,
because when she saw us looking at her, she left in a hurry.

	"All of it, gone!" Helen continued. "no passion, no nothing."

	"Well, he WAS drunk. "I reasoned. "People act differently when they're
sloshed. some go mute, some become bull horns, some..."

	"That's not it."

	Helen leaned on the tiled wall and closed her eyes. She was probably
trying to imagine that moment in her head. Playing it back. Maybe she had
missed something. Still leaning, she opened her eyes and stared at me.

	"It..." she stammered "...it's hard to explain."

	A worried look crossed her face as she tried to describe the encounter.
She raised her arms in front of her trying to imitate how Max held her. She
couldn't seem to get it right though. Then she looked at me with her furrowed
brow. Suddenly, her face brightened. Almost as if she had an inspiration.

	"You pretend you're me" she said "Sit up on the counter."

	I did. She sat beside me.

	"He had his arm around me, like so." she put her arm around my waist.

	I was a bit ticklish, so I had to stop myself from giggling.

	She looked down and started nodding her head. She mumbled something to
herself that I didn't quite catch. It looked like she was telling herself it
wasn't quite like that.

	Then she looked up to me. She held me closer. Helen cupped my head in
her hands. Her eyes looked deep into mine. Then, she kissed me.

	I felt her lips touch mine. They were sweet, soft, and warm. It was
gentle at first then her hands pushed my head closer. I had to adjust my head
slightly as my nose touched hers. She smelled so good. I felt my blood rush to
my head. And I shut my eyes.

	What was going on? I thought. I can't be doing this. This is Helen,
my... my friend... my best friend.

	Then almost as abruptly as it started it stopped. Helen pulled back. As
I opened my eyes I saw her as she looked me in shock. I couldn't tell what my
expression was, most of my face was numb, but it was probably the same.

	"Some..."she said in between short gasps."...something like that."

	Helen ran out of the bathroom, and left me.

	I was probably in shock or perhaps wasn't thinking straight. But for
the first time in my life I wasn't thinking of food or sleep. Just those
wonderful moments with Helen, as she kissed me. Part of me was shocked, but not
because I had kissed another girl.

	This was my first kiss. And I loved it...